Untitled 2
by green aura
Summary: "I've read something important the other day: 'You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself'. And it is true. They showed me how to live, how to love. And now they have to learn how to love themselves. Might sound selfish coming from me, but when they do that it will be easier for me." One Shot/Drabble. Complete.


Untitled  
An iCarly One Shot  
Rating: T  
Summary: "I've read something important the other day: 'You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself'. And it is true. They showed me how to live, how to love. And now they have to learn how to love themselves. Might sound selfish coming from me, but when they do that it will be easier for me."

* * *

_'Cause you are meant for me..._

The last notes of the slow song dragged a little more than usual. It's not that I knew the song but it felt like that for me. It was like they are chasing me, torturing me, reminding me the scene I just saw.

My best friends, dancing close, slowly, held in each others arms comfortably, like they were meant to be. If Gibby dumping me wasn't enough, that definitely broke me.

Their closeness made me realize that I didn't have someone to hold. Someone to hold me. No one close to me. No one like Freddie, or Gibby, even Spencer... Neither Carly. That night was the first one I realized that I needed to change, to look after them. But mainly after me. My actions.

And I changed. Was less mean to the nub, hanged a lot more with Carly doing girly stuff, helped Spencer with a few errands and some jobs he had, and even gave Gibby less wedgies. And so things changed. A lot.

My relationship with Gibby went from acquaintance to friends. The relationship with the Shays went from best friends, to brother and sister. And between Freddie and me... well frienemies to boyfriend and girlfriend.

And I hated him when I saw him dancing with Carly that night, and when they dated later that year, but I couldn't stop my feelings, I could not deny what I feel for him. For them. Since that first kiss. Since my walls crumbled and opened up for them that day.

We spent more time together. Not only shooting iCarly. Going to the Groovie Smoothie, hanging at the mall, helping Spencer with his art, watching TV series, movies at the cinema. We became better friends. Also spent much more time alone with Freddie, first doing school projects, then hanging around just to spend time, and finally as friends that wanted to be together and have fun. And that's when I was the happiest person alive.

I was at Cloud Nine while it lasted, the nub and me; we had the best moments together. Spent countless hours in front of screens, discussing what we watched later. Enjoying meals anywhere criticizing the chef when they horrible, praising them when they did an awesome job. Helping each other with homework, Freddie explaining me how to solve complicated math chizz and me helping him finding a more creative way to solve a discussion. Kissing the life out of our bodies. Pouring our hearts in each other.

But avoiding the three scary annoying three words. I love you.

Along the way we said them. But it was too late. I was convinced that it would change everything between us. And it did change things. But for the worst. We grew apart. I tried to change like we promised. What I did wasn't enough. He changed but he wasn't the nub I fell in love with.

And just when I had lost all my hope, he said it. Excited, ran back to his place to give him a straight heartfelt reply, didn't find him there, so went to Carly's, upstairs to the freshly free studio and saw them in each other arms again.

Kissing. Closer than ever. Together as one. And I felt betrayed, angry, and jealous. Felt stupid and empty.

I changed, made things better for me and them. But they didn't give me back what I needed. I understand that friendships and love too, are like that, but when you feel like you gave it all and don't get back you can't stop feel like I do.

I've read something important the other day: 'You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself'. And it is true. They showed me how to live, how to love. And now they have to learn how to love themselves. Might sound selfish coming from me, but when they do that it will be easier for me.

Set, looking at the horizon that awaits me, I blindly hope that my absence makes him open his eyes, and the distance between my sister and me strengthens the bond between us in a future. And I strive to be a better person for them, for myself.

* * *

A/N: After a horrible week in regards of friendship and love, yet this week being the week of both of them, and the ending of iCarly, although I still haven't watched iGoodbye, I was inspired to do this little drabble/one shot to vent out all the emotions. Not that they completely match Sam's, but I have to express them in some way. Sorry if they don't make sense and the OS is kind of weird but that's how I am :p Still I hope you enjoyed it. Read and review, it does certainly make writers happy. Feedback would help me to ease my disappointment, my loss of hope and loneliness. Okay I'm exaggerating but Hell feedback would make me really happy :p


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